Kalau ada yang berubah dari saya these last couple of years, it is probably my ability to trust. I have come to a point when it was so hard to have a little faith. Jangankan kisah cinta ala dongeng-dongeng dimana kata penutupnya berupa "dan mereka hidup bahagia selamanya", the thoughts of planning the future aja scared me to death. Its like that whenever im happy, i have this thought on the back of my mind that the happiness wont last that long. That every good story will come to an end, a bad one.
On one hand, i deserved to act like a lunatic when it comes to love relationship. Bagamana tidak? Wanita yang saya cintai setengah mati, wanita yang terus menerus berkata bahwa saya adalah orang yang tepat untuk dia, wanita yang menatap mata saya dan berkata bahwa dia tidak akan pernah meninggalkan saya .. Membuang saya begitu saja.
Dia melepaskan saya tepat pada saat saya hanya memiliki dia. Dia berpaling saat saya tidak punya lagi jala pengaman yang cukup kuat menopang hidup saya.
Jadi salahkah kalau setelahnya saya begitu pahit memandang cinta?
Salahkah kalau setelah itu saya bersumpah bahwa saya tidak akan menjadi si lemah yang mengemis cinta?
I grew skeptic, and it makes work very hard to improve myself. So nobody will belittled me anymore.
But then out of nowhere, i met her. Im not looking for her, nor interested in finding a new love. Saat itu entah bagaimana, saya sudah mulai bisa berdamai dengan kekosongan hidup saya. Saya sudah mulai bisa mengabaikan apa yang tidak lengkap dan memfokuskan diri dengan hal-hal kecil yang masih tersisa sepeninggal kekasih saya. Tidak mudah, cuma entah bagaimana ... Saya mulai bisa.
Me and her, it wasnt an instant connection.
She wasn't my type, and i know i wasn't hers. But probably what attracts me to her is the fact that she doesn't look interested in knowing me more. I like challenge, i always have.
So i chase her.. And it wasn't easy since she hasn't moved on at that time. But something grows, dan not long after that .. We become a couple.
Are we a perfect couple? No we're not. But we are a happy couple.
Saya mungkin tidak akan pernah menjadi tipe wanita yang dia impikan sejak dulu seperti dia mungkin tidak pernah seratus persen cocok dengan kriteria saya, tapi kami jatuh cinta. Kami jatuh cinta dengan cinta yang bertumbuh semakin dalam setiap harinya, cinta yang tiba di satu titik dimana kami tidak perduli lagi dengan tipe dan kriteria.
She was amazing. Not because she is super cute or super nice or super smart. She was amazing karena bersama dia, saya belajar untuk percaya.
She was amazing because she has a good forgiving heart which never ceases to amaze me.
And for me, she's an exception. The reason i've woken up with a determination to be a better person because she deserves a better me.
She is not my everything, but she is the glue that hold my everything in their right place.
And for her, i'm willing to grow a faith. A faith to trust that even if someday we're not meant to be together, it is still a tale worth enough to be fought for.
Love,
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Finally setelah sekian lama saya rajin menengok blog ini, sang penulis akhirnya muncul. I always admire the topic that you wrote. Keep Fight, Keep Searching what you want to find. You're not alone..:)
BalasHapusThank you :) it means a lot
BalasHapus